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What really happens when you deflect blame after a mistake

One of the hardest things we do as humans is accept our mistakes.

It’s so easy to deflect blame or brush it under the carpet and in our haste to deflect and blame we overlook the impact our behaviours have on ourselves and others.

Imagine the relationship between a footballer and the manager. Both have a role to do and both are trying their best yet both will make mistakes. But with football being a game of ego and performance, it is very unlikely either will admit to making mistakes.

When we blame others for our mistakes, we create a fracture in that relationship. It may be a small fracture but our actions create a crack of doubt in the mind of the other person. That crack can grow and manifest which builds resentment, dissonance and trust is thrown out of the window.

Your time at that club and in some cases, the league, can quickly come to an end.

As this crack widens, contempt grows within the other person and they become defensive and wary of helping you out in the future.

What happens to you? You create habits that are detrimental to your health.

You begin to believe you are better than others

You believe nothing is every your fault

You begin to act like a dick!

This behaviour is unconsciously picked up by others and they begin to avoid you.

You may have a sense something isn’t right but are unsure what it is.

Before you know it, things are not working any more and you feel lost and frustrated!

How can you fix this?

There are specific words you can use to fix the fracture and begin to build trust again.

It takes courage to do so I’ll make this as easy as possible for you.

If you blamed someone else for your mistake use the following sentence.

“You may not remember but I made a mistake and I blamed you. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

By saying these words, it starts a new thought process for you and the other person and by nature, we do like to forgive others.

Have you recently blamed someone for your mistake?

What happened and what did you do about it?

By Mike Nichols

Insights and Masterful mental performance coaching for the football (soccer) and basketball player

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