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What really happens when you deflect blame after a mistake

One of the hardest things we do as humans is accept our mistakes.

It’s so easy to deflect blame or brush it under the carpet and in our haste to deflect and blame we overlook the impact our behaviours have on ourselves and others.

Imagine the relationship between a footballer and the manager. Both have a role to do and both are trying their best yet both will make mistakes. But with football being a game of ego and performance, it is very unlikely either will admit to making mistakes.

When we blame others for our mistakes, we create a fracture in that relationship. It may be a small fracture but our actions create a crack of doubt in the mind of the other person. That crack can grow and manifest which builds resentment, dissonance and trust is thrown out of the window.

Your time at that club and in some cases, the league, can quickly come to an end.

As this crack widens, contempt grows within the other person and they become defensive and wary of helping you out in the future.

What happens to you? You create habits that are detrimental to your health.

You begin to believe you are better than others

You believe nothing is every your fault

You begin to act like a dick!

This behaviour is unconsciously picked up by others and they begin to avoid you.

You may have a sense something isn’t right but are unsure what it is.

Before you know it, things are not working any more and you feel lost and frustrated!

How can you fix this?

There are specific words you can use to fix the fracture and begin to build trust again.

It takes courage to do so I’ll make this as easy as possible for you.

If you blamed someone else for your mistake use the following sentence.

“You may not remember but I made a mistake and I blamed you. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

By saying these words, it starts a new thought process for you and the other person and by nature, we do like to forgive others.

Have you recently blamed someone for your mistake?

What happened and what did you do about it?

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A MUST READ FOR FOOTBALL PLAYERS AND COACHES BEFORE THE JANUARY TRANSFER WINDOW CLOSES

When a team is looking for improvements, either financially or on the field, logic says transfer for a better player is the right move to go.

And in most cases this works out OK but there are some that went horribly wrong

Sol Campbell on his move to Notts County in 2009 and making only one appearance said “The only thing I’m guilty of is taking people at their word” even though he had big dreams

Manchester United paid £10 million to Crystal Palace for Wilfried Zaha with an extra £5 million to be paid if the move was successful! It wasn’t!

These players were good, if not great at their former clubs but that doesn’t always equate to success in another place so I’d like to suggest the following, before a decision is made.

When anyone moves to a new situation, there is a period of figuring things out. Each player has their personalities, beliefs, values and expectations and if any of these aren’t being met in the new environment, their performance on the pitch is going to suffer.

Imagine an introverted player coming to a new team. A quiet player but with plenty of skill and ability. Should this player be exposed to situations against his personality, there is a strong likelihood his performance will drop and the transfer be a bust.

The value of the transfer will only be judged on the performance on the field, which is influenced by the player’s life off the field.

Think about it – 90 minutes a game, perhaps two games per week and up to five hours training a day over three days – that’s around 18 hours playing football a week. What will they be doing for the other 150 hours?

There’s a lot of time to fill and if that time isn’t filled with supportive, nurturing and relaxing times, the player can be distracted by negativity and thoughts that are detrimental to their performance and mental health. The player may think the worse.

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote by Einstein that goes

“Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish in its ability to climb a tree, it will live it’s whole life believing it is stupid”

Some players get put in the wrong environment for them to thrive.

Perhaps clubs and players can spend more time forming a strategy to figure out the player’s expectations, beliefs and values, rather than just focus on the business side of the game?

Do you know a player that was a bust?

I welcome your thoughts and ideas and invite coaches to get in touch